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Hayden Panettiere is speaking out for the first time about her brother Jansen’s death last year, saying she felt like it was her job to protect her only sibling … and losing him was like losing half her soul.
The actress also shared her body reacted so strongly to Jansen’s death from an undiagnosed heart condition at 28, she gained a bunch of weight within days … due to stress and cortisol surges coursing through her body.
Hayden told PEOPLE her changing appearance hit her self-esteem hard, making her feel insecure about leaving the house. She felt trapped in a “destructive hamster wheel” of needing to keep moving while battling those feelings.
She eventually got her confidence back with the help of her personal trainer, Marnie Alton … who helped her shed stress and insecurities, and now she’s on track to feeling like herself again.
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As for her brother’s death, she’s still grappling with the loss and says it’s a heartbreak she’ll always carry.
No matter how much time goes by, she knows she’ll never fully get over it … but she’s keeping busy and focusing on her new thriller, “Amber Alert,” hitting theaters on Sept. 27.